state of the barn

My mom and I had very different ideas of how my first few days of being in Oregon would look. My mom wanted me to rest and detox from the past few months of extreme stress. I can't even go into detail on all of the challenges of the move up here... I'm afraid even venting about it would make me lose all of the progress I've made in the past few weeks. While I, still trained to always be busy, wanted to get started on the to-do list and hit the ground running. Because I can be stubborn :) we planned on unpacking the trailer my first day here and being moved in within the first couple of days. If my mom couldn't convince me to take it slow, the universe could... It rained so much the first day so I couldn't unload a single thing. Little did I know, it would be another 12 days before I would even begin to unpack. But I'm getting ahead of myself. So I decided to scope out the barn apt and start visualizing where I'd put my furniture and what projects I wanted to do. My mom had some great friends visit with 3 adorable girls shortly before I got into Oregon, and she had warned me that she had not had a chance to clean up. The place was a mess! And not because of the epic fort in the middle or Barbie dolls scattered around, but because it is a barn apartment. It was built to be a man cave, and making it pretty is going to be quite a project.



{barbie fortress}



Of course I knew this when I decided to move in, but in my mind, all of these projects would take a few days and I'd be ready to go in no time. That was foolish. So, so foolish.

Before I could start anything, I had to get my dad's permission since it is his barnage. That went something like this:

Me- "dad, can I paint the bathroom?"

Ralph- "you don't like yellow?"

Me- "it isn't that I don't like it, but I really want to paint it gray"

Ralph- "graaaay?! you can paint it, but you have to paint it back"

Fine. Something along these lines happens with every single project I decide to do, but somehow we are making progress. And I'm just hoping that when my vision becomes reality he will see that these are all improvements and not make me paint it back. Also that paint color has probably been discontinued, but we'll cross that bridge when it comes (is that the saying?)

The floor is particle board, apparently called "sub floors". It is a pretty big space for me to commit to paying for and executing a plan for all new flooring, so I decided to paint it! White, so that looks clean and fresh. Remember earlier when I said I was foolish? I have to walk through the garden to get to the apt so the "clean and fresh" look lasted about as long as it took for the paint to dry... But I still like it! Or at least am not willing to admit defeat just yet. I can get rugs.



{before}



After several trips to Jerry's (the Home Depot of Oregon), the floor was caulked and painted, but the paint takes 1 week to dry enough for "heavy traffic"... Like perhaps moving a bunch of furniture in! So another delay to unpacking. Which is why I was still living out of a suitcase up until last week.

But then seeing the new floor made me want to paint the cupboards, too. With that little project, I learned the valuable lesson that "paint and primer in one" is such bologna. You still need to prime. And now I would love to get actual windowsills and baseboards. And I want to make flowey curtains, and slip covers for the hand-me-down sofa, make a barn-ish chandelier, hang shelves, and 100 other cosmetic projects that are too many to discuss. So this is where I am... A big mess. But it's kind of a fun mess. And I can take it slow, one project at a time, right?



{painting cupboards}



{after painting/before unpacking}





{the view while working on projects}



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big news

I have a big update! Besides reviving the blog, I quit my job in LA and moved up to the "farm" in Oregon!

I loved my life in So Cal- my friends, the beach, my job. It was almost perfect, but for a while I had this nagging sensation that it was time to move on. I ignored it for quite some time since I was already established and comfortable in my routine, but unfortunately my routine had become a rut. And even though I had such wonderful surroundings, I felt stuck and became more and more unhappy. As this nagging sensation became stronger, I started dreaming about baking, and design, and event planning. My deepest passions are in the domestic and creative arts that are making a huge comeback in the blogging and pinning world, but I didn't have enough time and space to explore and develop this passion. I took a few baking classes and gathered hundreds of recipes I wanted to try, but couldn't really play in my tiny apartment kitchen. And after a long day at my job, didn't have the energy to start any projects. So then I started to resent everything in my life that I perceived to be holding me back from my dreams. I wrestled between feeling totally stuck and trying to feel grateful for everything and everyone I had in my life that I truly love. But I still couldn't help but believe there is some way to make a career and lifestyle out of my passions. I want a life with purpose, and I just couldn't do it in LA.

While all this was going on and I kept burying these dreams and passions, my parents really decided to go forward with plans to turn the house into a Bed and Breakfast and wedding venue. They would give me updates and I would help as much as I could from afar. I worked on the website with a friend and talked budgets and inspiration. I became obsessed with reading magazines and blogs for events and inspiration and started forwarding any articles and pictures to my parents, hoping that they would fall in love with these ideas as much as I had. For a while, this was a good outlet to play and inspire, but then it broke my heart when I couldn't move forward with any of these ideas. The most I could do was forward an article or picture that I had fallen in love with to my mom, and just hope that she would make it come true.

I could no longer ignore this stirring in my soul. So it came time to take a leap of faith.

So in March, after 4 1/2 years at my job, and 8 years in LA, I gave my notice and started the countdown. I was in a best friend's wedding at the end of May and my lease would be up shortly after, so that became a perfect deadline for myself. I didn't know exactly what the plan would be (and I'm certainly glad I didn't know how many obstacles I would face and how truly difficult the process would be or I would have chickened out), but I decided to take the first step. I put my pride aside and asked my parents if I, now 27 and without an income, could come and move home. Luckily, they were delighted. Turns out, turning a house into a venue and B&B is a lot more challenging than we thought and they really needed some extra help. And the help they needed seemed to line up with the exact passions I had been ignoring.

So here I am, sitting on the porch about 1 1/2 months after my last day at work and 3 weeks after pulling up to my new home... My parents' house.

The plan is still in rough draft format. But basically, I get to live in the apt upstairs in the barnage and help around the house and business until I figure out my next step. I am having so much fun painting furniture and unpacking in the barn (pictures to come). I've already been able to play a little bit in the kitchen and meet a bride that is getting married on the property in 2 weeks!!

But to be totally honest, it has been really difficult and I think it will be for some time. Saying goodbye to my best friends was so sad, and every time I get a text or email from one of them, I question if I've made the right decision. Keep in my mind, that my parents moved to Oregon my freshmen year in college, so this is not my home. I only know my parents and a few of their friends. It has only been a few weeks, and I already miss friendship so much. I know it will be a long time before I feel at home here, and run into a friend at the store or invite someone over for dinner or to bake cookies with me. These are the things I will miss the most. I am trying to believe that someday I'll be able to establish that here, or that a time will come for me to move on (or maybe even back to CA). I am fighting the urge to make a strict plan or timeline. I need to detox from that sort of living. And even thought there are already challenges and I know I will have more obstacles as I try to figure out what I'm doing with my life, I feel like I'm on an adventure... An adventure that I've longed for the past 2 or 3 years. One of the things I miss most about my brother is his sense of adventure. It seemed like he was always willing to go anywhere or try anything. And when I lost him, I lost the biggest advocate for adventure in my life. And so I realized that I have to be my own advocate and the only thing keeping me from pursuing my passion is my own fear. I have to make the decision on my own to go somewhere and be somebody, or I'll never grow.

So after the longest post ever, I leave you with 2 last thoughts. First, I'll use the blog to keep you posted on the progress- of the barn apartment, the house, and my new adventure. And second, this is the view from the porch where I took my nap today. Enjoy!! And come visit!!!

{view from the porch}

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my favorite tree

Every time I go visit my parents, I take about 1,000 pictures.  I wish I was a better photographer so I could really capture the setting.  Maybe then I wouldn't spend all of the memory on my computer on pictures of trees and moss. You know, quality over quantity and all that good advice.


So usually the first spot I head to when I want to take pictures is at the bottom of the stairs in the back, right by the river, looking upriver at this tree that is sort of split and makes a "V". It's just my favorite and I can't really explain it. I know Orange County (where I grew up) isn't a forest, but there ARE trees. This isn't the first time I've seen one. Still, I'm obsessed. And so here goes. I'll share with you my favorite tree, which has become my icon of the house- every season, angle, and time of day. I hope you can see a little bit of the charm that I see...

These past few weeks have been pretty rainy and the river has gotten very high. Scary high. My parents have been living there for about 7 years now and it is the highest they've ever seen it, and they got a notice on what to do if there is a dam breach. Eek! They kept reporting how high it was, and then my dad sent over a few pics. Not that I didn't trust them, of course, but they have been known to  exaggerate. I was shocked! The water was ABOVE the "V" in the tree! They had to move the bench on the bottom step up. Here are some pictures of the high river by my tree- 

horsies

I recently finished the book Water for Elephants and loved it! And I'm just going to come out and say something that no avid book-reader is supposed to say: I can't wait for the movie!  It looks really good. And I can't imagine anyone playing Marlena better than Reese Witherspoon. 


I'm not going to draw parallels between the circus and the house in Oregon, cause that would just be weird. But the descriptions of the horses and Marlena's love and deep respect for them throughout the story is really beautiful. And then I realized that I haven't shared pictures of the horses in Oregon.


The neighbors on both sides of the house have gorgeous horses. I just think they are the most glamorous and alluring creatures! 

{well, hello there!}

{photo by Damian}

{photo by Damian}

{the mama and the baby!}

desktop background

It seems my desktop background is always a picture of where I wish I could be at the moment. Paris. A random childhood memory. A beach. And most recently- a River. 

{Photo by Damian}

moss and trees...

My mom likes gardening.  I can't say that I inherited her green thumb. I keep trying to grow my own herb garden, but apparently gardens like being watered and I just can't seem to keep that in my daily routine long enough for anything to survive. I think I started to despise gardening as a 12 year old when my list of weekly chores included weeding and pruning. What kid wants to wake up early on a Saturday to prune? I really do wish I liked it more...  I love using the fresh herbs and veggies from the garden up in Oregon.  Maybe its like eating tomatoes or wearing pearls... You don't really appreciate them as a kid, but eventually love them when you grow up? 


Anyway, one of the things my mom loves to do for her garden is gather wild moss to use in flower boxes and arrangements.  It grows on every surface up there and peels off in big patches and long strips.  I didn't understand its charm at first, but now the adventurous kid in me loves climbing over fallen trees and exploring the forest for moss... and the competitive kid in me loves finding the biggest piece EVER to impress my mom. 


There is a park on the other side of the river that is a perfect spot for moss-picking.  When I was up there before Thanksgiving with my girlfriends from college, we helped my mom gather moss in the park and had so much fun making moss beards and filling up our muck buckets with this spongy green substance that is so foreign to us city girls. 

Moss on trees!

Working hard...

and hardly working.

Frolicing in autumn leaves.

The final product. You're welcome, mom. 

go Ducks!!

Eugene is one of the most spirited sports fan towns I have ever seen! Growing up surrounded by USC and UCLA fans, I thought I had seen extreme fans. I knew nothing. In Eugene, everyone is a Ducks fan.  Even on non-game days, 95% of the population is rocking a Ducks sweatshirt.  And on game days? Forget it. Every house on the block has a Ducks flag, there are green and yellow cars on the road, and even 80 year old ladies are covered head to toe in green.  And since the big championship game is tonight, I'm sure the town is littered with green and yellow.   

playing in the kitchen

Besides frolicing in the snow... I did a lot of cooking over the holidays! I just finished taking a short cooking class, so I was really excited to play in my favorite kitchen. Christmas Eve we made Pork chops with a Tuscan Herb rub, sauteed apples, Roasted Potatoes, and Broccoli.  

{The amazing apple peeler-corer-slicer!}

{Sauteed Apples}

{Tuscan Herb Rub}

{Searing the chops}

{Pan Sauce}

{The Roasted Pork Chops with the Sauteed Apples}

{the finished product}

White Christmas!

I am SO behind on blogging, so the thought of jumping back on the wagon has been a little daunting. I mean, where to even begin? But what is more inspirational to start it up again than SNOW! I finally had a White Christmas! It was the best present ever! Especially because I got to extend my vacation an extra day :) 

{The start of the snow on the driveway}

"it lies across a river"

"Oh, Aslan," said Lucy. "Will you tell us how to get into your country from our world?"

"I shall be telling you all the time," said Aslan. 

"But I will not tell you how long or short the way will be; only that it lies across a river. 

But do not fear that, for I am am the great Bridge Builder..."

~Ch. 16, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, The Chronicles of Narnia

One of my greatest loves is reading. I cannot think of a better way to spend some down-time than cuddling up with a good book.  C.S. Lewis said "Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again". So true! The Chronicles of Narnia were classics as a child. It was so easy to believe that there was a magical land where animals could not only talk, but be heroes and kings, a little boy could be transformed into a dragon, a witch could use magic to make candy, and ships could sail right up to the end of the world.  Re-reading the books in college made me, once again, appreciate the magic of being transported to the fantastical world of Narnia.  I no longer searched for a portrait or wardrobe to take me there... I only had to open the pages of a book. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader was my favorite in the series. I think mostly because of my love for that little, but valiant mouse Reepicheep.  As kids, we saw the Pevensie children grow up and out of Narnia. And now as adults, we close the book and return to our own reality. But we will always need a way back...


I think that our hope for the house is that it will be a glimpse of that place across the Great River. A place where we can escape from this world of harsh realities, and experience reprieve.  Experience something fantastical. Or peaceful. Or adventurous. Something so that when we go back to reality, we are refreshed and a little bit restored.

just up the road

Living in LA, I don't have much contact with real farm animals. Now in Oregon, my parents have horses on either side of their house, alpacas across the road, sheep, goats, and donkeys galore! One of the most enchanting activities of my visits has been feeding the farm animals up the road. One of my parents' neighbors rescues old or abused farm animals and lets them graze and meander in her yard.  So compassionate of her! So instead of a vegetable compost, we take the leftover produce up the road to feed the animals- pumpkin, watermelon, apples, celery, lettuce... 

I'm sure this pastime won't make it on the activity menu Bed & Breakfast since it isn't the most glamourous of "chores" but it is still one of my favorites. It is just so fun to see the little donkeys and goats come bounding up to score some veggies. They pretty much know my mom's car and voice now.  Just look at 'em! How can you not fall in love? 

{Mr. Don Quixote looooves apples} 

{Billy, the goat}

a short drive away

Some of my favorite places to visit when I go see my parents include- a hiking trail by a waterfall about an hour up-river, Leaburg Lake for calm kayaking about 20 mins up-river, the neighbor's farm to feed the goats, donkeys, and sheep, the coast, and probably at least 5 more fabulous places that I'm forgetting right now. So this is going to be the first post in a series to show off places that are just a short drive away from the house and are such fun places to have an adventure! 


May I introduce you to Leaburg Lake... 

I also have a fun video of my dad falling out of the kayak that he's climbing in... but I won't post it for public viewing. At least not yet ;)